Friday, August 18, 2006

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday was a good day. I went with my wife in the morning to her job interview downtown and hung out in the park while I waited for her. She got the job, and I'm more proud of her than I can say not only over her landing the job, but also for all that she's accomplished in such a relatively short time in this strange new country while struggling to master a daunting new language. She has a strength of character and will that is a joy and inspiration to me.

Later, I met with my counselor at the Department of Rehabilitation for the first time and felt encouraged by how things went. They will have to reach a formal decision about whether to take my case, but she indicated that she thought they probably would accept me as a client because she believes, and I concur, that they can help me to overcome my limitations to gainful employment. My counselor was a very nice woman, and I was able to relax my usual defenses and speak with her with surprising candor and clarity about my fears, hopes, and dreams. There is no doubt that I have many, many obstacles to work over, under, around, or through. But I believe that I can, especially with the expert and caring assistance of the DOR and people like my counselor. We are blessed as a state and nation to have such resources available to us, and I pray that we always will.

After my appointment, I went to my medical billing class. It was the customary waste of time in terms of what I learned during class. Our teacher is, sadly, totally incompetent. But I felt unusually outgoing and happy and enjoyed my time in class, realizing that I can do the real learning I need to here at home studying the textbook, which is how I learn best anyway.

I have moments, as some entries to this blog nakedly reflect, when I feel quite sad and even devoid of hope that I can ever rise above my circumstances. But seldom do I feel that way for very long, much less for an entire day or more. Yet, there are days, like yesterday, when I feel exceptionally relaxed, clearheaded, outgoing, and just plain happy all day long. I love those days. I hope I can find a way to foster more of them.

Today marks our third anniversary. How blessed I am to be able to say that and to be celebrating the occasion with the best wife a man could ever hope to have! I wrote in my card to her this morning that I'm going to keep trying to be a better husband to her as well and to make her as proud of me and my accomplishments as I am of her and hers. That's a tall, tall task. But as I've probably quoted before and no doubt will again one of my favorite quotes:

"All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare."
--Spinoza

6 comments:

dr.alistair said...

if you can remember enough about a happy yesterday to get the feelings again today......and tomorrow and tomorrow, you will begin to string together a life of peace, love and happiness.
look in the mirror and smile. remember the love you have for your wife. look into your eyes as you smile and feel the felings of smiling and loving....
maybe tears will come. that`s o.k. that`s just your soul opening up.
then smile again......share it with your wife and laugh.
while you are doing all this you will be surprisingly warm and loved and happy.
how much of that can you stand?

Counter Mag said...

Do you ever worry that when your foreign wife gets a little more accustomed to the culture that she will see how sorry a man you are for a husband (her earning all the money, you sitting around and whining about your diabilities and how others need to pay for them)and drop you like a hot potato?

Nagarjuna said...

Dr. Allisair: That sounds like a great exercise for opening the heart. Thank you.

Counter Mag: No, I don't worry for one moment that my wife will ever leave me. She knows me and the struggles I go through to do what comes easily to most. But she also knows that I AM trying. And soon I'll be working again.

Thank you for your concern.

Jess said...

Tell your wife congratulations from me. I know she has worked hard on getting to where she is. Good for her. The best things happen when they are least expected don't they? Moment by moment best way to go through life. Holding on to this happiness and building from it will only make it better when you both get to where you want to be. Good luck and peace to both of you. I'm back now(last night) I have some things to do over the next few days so I'll catch up when I can.

Jess said...

counter mag. Not all men are insecure with their "women folk" making more than them. I have and will probably always have more than my significant other and it seems to bother him not one tiny bit. Probably because he is more secure than most people I know.

Nagarjuna said...

Yes, Jess, my wife has worked hard and shown a lot of courage to accomplish the things she has, and I'm very proud of her.